My life lacks climax in almost every highlight. Maybe not so much climax as distinction. Situations just enter onto my stage production without cue or fizzle off without closure. There is no mounting crescendo to introduce a pivotal point in my life. Not even an F and F-sharp combo that a cinematic shark is found worthy of. No tears are shed and no curtains are drawn as another era dies off from my story. Oh how this sort of gig cheapens the plot.
I can honestly say I hate how my biggest realizations come as little back thoughts with little room for monument. Rue the day I would ever achieve fame, for a biographer would have an unholy time recording landmark times in my life. The reason is there is no memory of them.
All of a sudden I'm reminded of one of my favorite movies, The Prestige. It tells the stories of two rivalling magicians and their obsessed quest to best the other. An important thing to know about their contest is their specialties. Where one is truly magnificent magician the other has a knack for showmanship that the first lacks. It strikes me as highly correlative to the human race and their own personal purposes. There are those who do as much good and are little recognized and those that have showmanship (which isn't necessarily bad, after all it does attract attention). The first of these two types might go about making there difference one person at a time while the other outlines Project Change-the-World with propaganda, advertisement, and all. Though I stick to this, that neither are wrong, I do believe greater reward comes with the first because of this scripture from Matthew 6:5,6 "When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." Because it is not publicised it becomes irrelevant and is lost.
But it truly bugs me. Not that it is not recognized, but that I have no past to brace myself on (though it also helps with I cannot excuse either). All I have is right now and that is fleeing fast. It seems like things are happening before I know it. My memoirs have followed the pattern of my very first landmark, birth, and stayed stupidly unsure of what just happened. It just...happened.*
It is possible you are thinking, "Why, this matters even less than the mediocre high points of your life that you so failed to remember." Well there, sir or madam, I would say you are wrong. Two different wise men have bequeathed to me this belief to percolate into my solvent-like brain. The first made it clear to me in a church sermon that "Your [my] story will make other people believe." The second was witness and testifier to the fact that our story is the greatest message we can give to people. He taught that my story was a gift to minister to others. These things I believe.
So without the parade or the bugle's sound I'm left lost in a shadowy past of trivia. What then will I do to bring distinction to things. In this case vague is ugly. I don't like it. I suppose it remains but to rally the scribes and hullabaloo in order to keep record so that I too may have a story to tell.
*Nothing omitted, ellipses are purely for emphasis.
Mitchell Capps I love your words. You have a way with them, you do. I like the idea of this blog and it gives another perspective to capture for anyone. All ages can learn. You don't take things for granted... You're a good Mitchell :) I like your blog.
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