When I was eight the impostor, or false self, was born as a defense against pain. The impostor within whispered, 'Brennan, don't ever be your real self anymore because nobody likes you as you are. Invent a new self that everybody will admire and nobody will know.'
Brennan Manning
I received this particular quote secondarily, by way of a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge, he was representing this concept in a negative light. In the context, Manning was also condemning this practice. However, when I saw it I instantly connected with it. It seems that that may just be what I have been doing for a very long time. Living the masquerade that is Mitch Capps. My Classical Ride has been a Classical Show. It's been a great act. But how long can you be something before you become that something? Perhaps this created me is the me I chose for myself, and therefore truly is...me.
I am familiar with the fact that from kindergarten on we have been lambasted into believing that we should "always be ourselves." Oh it's a noble idea and I'll be attacked if I attack it, but who decides who we are? We are divinely created and then let loose. Who decides? We know our environment plays a crucial role. The personalities we surround ourselves with are our borrowing grounds. Then of course we have some amount of innate self, I know that, but do we not choose? I ask you, do we not?
In trying out this idea on some friends I have been repeatedly assured that they like "the real Mitch." I have a problem with that promise because quite frankly, they've never seen the real Mitch. So admittedly, for some, they like the fake me. This chap they've been friends with, this joe that they break bread with, this mug that they've grown to associate with Mitch Capps, is not Mitch Capps at all, but a prolonged and prestigious act. That is who they like.
For some an air of indignance comes along with what they call a "lie." I see this as a double standard. This is the me that I like, this is the me that you like, essentially, this is a better Me.
At the same time there is a mystery about this "false self" that must be maintained at all times. You have to learn about this person, but keep him and the You behind the curtain out of mind and out of state. You are behind the wheel with this person. You are bottled up inside (this is obviously not for everyone). You are ostentatiously reserved. You are shyly social. You have secrets. Secrets so petty and trivial that people would pay out the nose to find them out, but you won't let them. And to tell you the truth, they don't want to know. They want to have their faith rewarded, they want to have a mystery to solve. They want the sensationalized, glamourized, theatrical, fun You.
And so you give it to them.
Brennan Manning
I received this particular quote secondarily, by way of a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge, he was representing this concept in a negative light. In the context, Manning was also condemning this practice. However, when I saw it I instantly connected with it. It seems that that may just be what I have been doing for a very long time. Living the masquerade that is Mitch Capps. My Classical Ride has been a Classical Show. It's been a great act. But how long can you be something before you become that something? Perhaps this created me is the me I chose for myself, and therefore truly is...me.
I am familiar with the fact that from kindergarten on we have been lambasted into believing that we should "always be ourselves." Oh it's a noble idea and I'll be attacked if I attack it, but who decides who we are? We are divinely created and then let loose. Who decides? We know our environment plays a crucial role. The personalities we surround ourselves with are our borrowing grounds. Then of course we have some amount of innate self, I know that, but do we not choose? I ask you, do we not?
In trying out this idea on some friends I have been repeatedly assured that they like "the real Mitch." I have a problem with that promise because quite frankly, they've never seen the real Mitch. So admittedly, for some, they like the fake me. This chap they've been friends with, this joe that they break bread with, this mug that they've grown to associate with Mitch Capps, is not Mitch Capps at all, but a prolonged and prestigious act. That is who they like.
For some an air of indignance comes along with what they call a "lie." I see this as a double standard. This is the me that I like, this is the me that you like, essentially, this is a better Me.
At the same time there is a mystery about this "false self" that must be maintained at all times. You have to learn about this person, but keep him and the You behind the curtain out of mind and out of state. You are behind the wheel with this person. You are bottled up inside (this is obviously not for everyone). You are ostentatiously reserved. You are shyly social. You have secrets. Secrets so petty and trivial that people would pay out the nose to find them out, but you won't let them. And to tell you the truth, they don't want to know. They want to have their faith rewarded, they want to have a mystery to solve. They want the sensationalized, glamourized, theatrical, fun You.
And so you give it to them.
*Naturally one does not have to agree with these theories. Besides that, this theory is not applicable for everyone, one must work these things out for themselves, and that is precisely what I'm trying to do, I am not trying to lay down the law or the truth, but allow you to be a guest on my hunt.
Mitch... We do choose to be who we want to be. Paul says with good reason "Bad company corrupts good character" and that obviously mirrors that good company rubs off on you. Again I am reminded of my sister who once told me "Sarah, nothing you do is original but it is all from your surrounding and what you have seen and others have done..." This also contributes to the person we are and the ideas we claim our own. I think I agree with you. (I also have this underlying hurt of the thought that I do not know you.) But for the now and the later, you've got me. I have your back. I have handled you this far, fake and all. So give me all you got. Human. God.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is good. I like your aspects. You don't put out things unless you really have something. That is appreciated.
Enjoyed reading this. Remember, there are many "facets" to a person. The way that a diamond has many facets. Whatever side is faced is the side you see, but there is always more when you change the direction of that diamond. We cannot know all of what is inside of us until God brings it to light. In my opinion, this is why we are always learning more about ourselves. :)
ReplyDeleteMrs. Wendi, I love this. Understanding, yes. Praise God.
ReplyDelete