This is the End

5/20/2011

It's about a week before I graduate

So admittedly it hurts a bit. Leaving it all behind. I'm not cool with the emotions and the petty warfare of change. It's undermining my stoic creed. I'm a hopeless romantic albeit. I'm telling the story in my mind.

I'm graduating.

With that I'm leaving the people, the dear people. I liked when they had to be there. We were all in the game together. We were a conglomeration of talents, weaknesses, quirks, personas, and hearts. We slaughtered tests and spilled ink and graphite and eraser pulp. We squeaked expos until the air reeked. We put on musicals and pageants, we competed in football, basketball, tennis, soccer, track, baseball, softball, volleyball, band comps, academic comps, cheerleading comps, wrestling. We put out newspapers and yearbooks. We added to the noise you know, we were on the airwaves every morning with announcements of trivial pursuit. It goes further back than this. We got grass stains and threw pinecones at each other. We coloured and counted on our fingers. We ate off trays and drank from cartons and swapped lunches. We threw up and went to the nurse. We had adventures on that playground man. We wore Tommy Hilfiger, or at least I did, I wasn't cool. I was a loser. But there were some joes that took me in anyhow, be yourself, or at least be who you want to be. So I did. God is good. This was my arena for growing up, the playing field for all my little battles. Bond.

Now the show is over. The great adventure, the thrilling, frustrating story. The curtain will be falling shortly. The final leaf will lisp and be laid gently across the past where it will lay as a testament to memory and nostalgia. In the annals of great thought. I don't think it's so lame to look back on high school as one of the happiest times. It doesn't mean it's the "best days of my life" or anything, but it was a great portion of purpose and passion.

I've lived in the same house, in the same neighbourhood, with the same people, in the same town, at the same church, at the same school my entire life and now it is time to go elsewhere. Far away.

"I don't like goodbyes, they make my throat hurt, I need more hellos"

There is so much more I want to talk about with these people. I want to go on more adventures with them. I want to yell at them and laugh with them. I can see their faces. Really. I think about their faces and the way they look and act and talk. I'm going to miss them most. The people...

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5/22/11

Tonight was Baccalaureate

And so goodbye. To the friends I'm pulling out with and to the friends I'm leaving behind. I will never walk to halls of Oneonta High School as a student again. I will not meet new people, I will not enjoy the company or laugh with the old friends, I will not sit in a desk. I will not daydream right through an enormous periodic table. I will not drive down Highway 75 trying to make all the traffic lights. I will not stop to pick up pennies in the parking not. I will not regret the cold or lament the heat in the mornings. I will not hoist a backpack over my shoulders. I will not plan out a schedule. I will not rejoice at fire drills. I will not distract my teachers. I will not be unprepared for tests.

The people and teachers at Oneonta high school are absolute marvels. I needed more time with them. I needed more time to look at them and listen to them and argue with them and converse with them and laugh with them and learn with them.

I'm rambling.

I'm rehearsing to do it again next year, the next day even, the next class, but none of these are going to happen again.

I sure wanted to leave something behind. I wanted to be remembered. That doesn't matter so much. I remember every person so well. So well. If you are reading this I remember you with an incomparable fondness.

I was having the time of my life being there. I was loving it. All my great friends brought together everyday.

To all who were a part of my adventure at Oneonta High School: I love you very much, you made it incredible, and when a warm Christmassic night in the dead of winter recalls all our times to mind, I'll take it as a lozenge to my soul. What else could it be but a comfort and a peace. You're all like a sort of anthem. The great playwrights.

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5/24/11

Today was my last full day of school.

Today hurt. It burns. Lame. But really. There were hugs and handshakes that just hurt. Those teachers and my friends. They are dear to me. I like it better when they are with me. Words were exchanged. Soft words, words that sound like "I'll never see you again" no matter what is actually being said. My friends are out of my league. Today I was looking at the clock as I had five minutes left and thought of all the times I had looked at it and wanted it to speed up. Now I literally had the feeling of wanting to stall time.

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5/25/11

Today was my last day of school ever

People cried today. It wasn't me, but I watched them. This is a healthy kind of sadness, and their tears were strangely beautiful to me. People wrote letters today. It wasn't me, but I read them. This is the right kind of goodbye, and their words were wounds to my emotional physique. Final words and wishes were exchanged. Again the hugs, again the handshakes. Only this time with a blistering punctuation mark. That whole "I'm never going to see you again" adage is partially dispelled by social networking and the like. But you know, I truly am not going to see any of those people again for sometime, possibly forever for many. It makes me frustrated that I didn't do more. I didn't pour out enough of myself to my friends. I wasn't selfless enough. I wasn't bold enough. I wasn't heroic enough. I wasn't loving enough. I wasn't giving enough. I wasn't helpful enough. I wasn't diligent enough. I wasn't caring enough. I wasn't loyal enough. I didn't meet and try to get to know and love enough people. I could've done more. It is too late now. This is my lament.

After graduation practise today I was sitting in my car up on the giant hill where the stadium sat. I looked over 75 to the blinking tower and the straight highway and thought to myself, "I'm going to be on that highway before long, going out of town, my hometown, past the school where so many adventures were held and I'm going to keep driving until I arrive at a distant place where I will continue my education collegiately. It was a beautiful view. It juxtaposed a lot of different feelings and viewpoints.

Strangely, for once I don't feel like being arrogant. I just want to think about my friends. I love you people.

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5/27/11

Graduation Night

Tonight was a movie. We talked normally, not in a goodbyeful way, but in a I'm still trying to impress these people and make them laugh and enjoy their company like always. As we walked, pondering over our Pomp and Circumstance I talked to God. It occurred to me that I had not yet thanked Him for it all. For the beautiful cinematic experience all in technicolor. His direction was perfect, my acting inadequate, but he his visuals, camera angles, and choice of supporting cast was a Saviour. Of course this is my story. I was in their supporting cast. We were all on the set together making noise and drinking coffee. I'm not making sense. When I sat down and looked at my class I prayed using the lyrics of a song my friend wrote. Odd again. We graduated. I was smiling and happy. We walked out to throw our hats up and that was the definitive moment. That was truly the end. I shook a few hands and hugged a few necks. I loved these people.

And so I graduated, I tossed the hat in the air hours ago. I have my diploma. My family and friends have departed. Game Over. But we'll keep in touch, perhaps our songs will intertwine again and we'll do duets and medleys and the like. Where ever any of you are as you read this, and whatever your plans are and where ever this road takes you, I hope that it is a beautiful journey. I hope you live a romantic, book-worthy story. May God always be with you. Stay young. My class, stay classy. "The road goes ever on and on and we must travel it valiantly. Whatever vehicles you man and whatever adventures you have may it always, always be...a Classical Ride

This is the End

If you want it