I sit on benches sometimes and just watch. People walk and run and I wonder what they look like from way up high. Crawling all over the planet.
Sometimes all you can do is live in a moment. It sounds silly, but sometimes I sort of pray in the back of my mind that God would let me watch life all over again after it was finished, and that there was always some hidden camera with innate cinematography following me around, and at the end of all things I could watch the best movie ever.
Because everything is happening so fast. I can't keep up with it. Sometimes all you can do is live in a moment, and try to hold a pillow over philosophy's head so you can maintain some measure of practicality in your life. Sometimes all you can do with the beauty of a moment is just live in it. You can't write of it or paint it or photograph it. You're just helplessly falling through it with windy seconds flying up past you ticking your arms like gnats.
I got that feeling when I sat on a roof once. I looked out over the dark Aladdin-blue sky full of childhood glitter and heard a train stack by. And I let the puppy wind snap at my skin and lifted a bottle of Cola up with good cheer. All I could do was live.
But the worst of it is when I am with a soul. They are impossible to keep. Every second inside their mind is avalanching and stampeding and noise. Their hearts are like a thousand motley balloons looking like clown suits flying upwards and I can't catch one of them.
I so wish I could.
I look at them and every movement in their face or sound from their tongue is like old magic. I've known the best kind of people and when I watch them smoke cigars or write poetry or scream war cries I get chills. Because they are real and I get to be near them. I know the best people. That is my biggest blessing and what I'm most proud of. I am surrounded with greatness.
The problem is with time, or the passage thereof. We keep moving when I just want to stop. And nostalgia is like running backwards on a cursed conveyor belt.
I think of the places I've been and the places I've seen and that's what I want to keep doing. Keep meeting and loving and learning. And I want them all to know that they can be free, because I've been freed for good. And I want them to know that in His presence is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasure forevermore. And I need them to see that because the place where we are going to find unedited love is also a place where we will always be together and we will all love each other the same and time will be a laughable thing.
So I have to tell them. I have to listen to their stories for the rest of my life, and I have to tell them that we are all pilgrims and we all have to go seek the Kingdom and do anything we have to do to find it.
I was telling someone the other day that I don't have a story.
But that isn't true. I do have a story.
My story is everyone else's story.
I have to tell their stories. Even if it kills me.
Because in reading theirs, I can write mine.
Sometimes all you can do is live in a moment. It sounds silly, but sometimes I sort of pray in the back of my mind that God would let me watch life all over again after it was finished, and that there was always some hidden camera with innate cinematography following me around, and at the end of all things I could watch the best movie ever.
Because everything is happening so fast. I can't keep up with it. Sometimes all you can do is live in a moment, and try to hold a pillow over philosophy's head so you can maintain some measure of practicality in your life. Sometimes all you can do with the beauty of a moment is just live in it. You can't write of it or paint it or photograph it. You're just helplessly falling through it with windy seconds flying up past you ticking your arms like gnats.
I got that feeling when I sat on a roof once. I looked out over the dark Aladdin-blue sky full of childhood glitter and heard a train stack by. And I let the puppy wind snap at my skin and lifted a bottle of Cola up with good cheer. All I could do was live.
But the worst of it is when I am with a soul. They are impossible to keep. Every second inside their mind is avalanching and stampeding and noise. Their hearts are like a thousand motley balloons looking like clown suits flying upwards and I can't catch one of them.
I so wish I could.
I look at them and every movement in their face or sound from their tongue is like old magic. I've known the best kind of people and when I watch them smoke cigars or write poetry or scream war cries I get chills. Because they are real and I get to be near them. I know the best people. That is my biggest blessing and what I'm most proud of. I am surrounded with greatness.
The problem is with time, or the passage thereof. We keep moving when I just want to stop. And nostalgia is like running backwards on a cursed conveyor belt.
I think of the places I've been and the places I've seen and that's what I want to keep doing. Keep meeting and loving and learning. And I want them all to know that they can be free, because I've been freed for good. And I want them to know that in His presence is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasure forevermore. And I need them to see that because the place where we are going to find unedited love is also a place where we will always be together and we will all love each other the same and time will be a laughable thing.
So I have to tell them. I have to listen to their stories for the rest of my life, and I have to tell them that we are all pilgrims and we all have to go seek the Kingdom and do anything we have to do to find it.
I was telling someone the other day that I don't have a story.
But that isn't true. I do have a story.
My story is everyone else's story.
I have to tell their stories. Even if it kills me.
Because in reading theirs, I can write mine.
